


Waltz of the Nian

by QuickYoke



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Lapis-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 06:10:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7746157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuickYoke/pseuds/QuickYoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lapis doesn't understand fusion at heart, but she does know she's an unideal partner for it. Set after the season 3 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waltz of the Nian

 

> _In Chinese mythology the Nian (_ _年兽_ _) is a monster that secludes itself deep in the ocean, emerging at the end of the lunar year to hunt people and livestock. The Chinese Lion dance originated with the tradition of scaring the beast away with firecrackers, loud noises, and the colour red._

 

* * *

* * *

 

A dry unrelenting wind ruffled the long hems of Lapis’ dress. Overhead the sun glared beyond a cloudless sky. Their small party -- Lapis, Peridot, Garnet, Steven and Lion -- skirted along the rim of the great winding sandstone basin, hugging the shade in the hopes that they could escape the sun’s merciless rays. Despite their best efforts, Steven still fumbled in his cheeseburger backpack for an astringent-smelling lotion that he slathered across his pink skin. Lapis’ nose scrunched up, and she let herself fall another step further behind so as to escape the smell.

She couldn’t think of a place that was more ill-suited to her, but Steven had insisted she and Peridot be a part of one of the Crystal Gem missions. Peridot, Lapis could understand, but she couldn’t fathom why Steven wanted her to join; she was a mimic of the Crystal Gems, an unwilling, pale facsimile from the very beginning. Back at the temple, Pearl had squinted at Lapis and Peridot standing just outside the door on the balcony and said, “I’d feel better if Garnet and Lion accompanied you as well.”

“Aww, it can’t be that bad!” Steven had whined. “You let Connie come on a mission with only you to supervise, and that was for tracking down the same corrupted gems!”

“Yes,” Pearl had conceded with pursed lips. “But we were only supposed to be tracking one corrupted gem, and if what you and Amethyst say is true, then there may be far more that escaped into the canyon.”

Before Steven could reply, Garnet had stepped forward. “It’s alright. I’ll go. Come on, Steven.”

Now Garnet was placing Steven on her shoulders for a ride, and his skin glistened from the recent application of lotion, some of it insufficiently rubbed in so that finger-shaped swipes of white still coated the backs of his arms and neck. Not for the first time Lapis wondered what the lotion was supposed to accomplish. She did not hazard the question aloud, however.

Beside her, Peridot shrugged at the strap of another food-shaped bag slung across one shoulder, the motion creating a heavy clack of metal. At the barn Lapis had idly watched as Peridot inspected various lengths of steel and iron to pack for the trip, muttering under her breath all the while.

“I was under the impression dogs were kept by humans as pets for companionship, but apparently they also eat them?” Lapis nodded at the bag Peridot carried as they trudged along the canyon.

Craning her neck to look at the item in question, Peridot shrugged. “Somehow I think the name ‘hot-dog’ is a mere colloquialism? Humans seem to have many. That being said,” she trailed off and rubbed at her chin, contemplative, “Steven does seem to enjoy eating cats as well. Perhaps that is why we’ve brought the large feline with us.”

Almost as if it could understand them, one of the lion’s fuzzy pink ears twitched and it gave an owlish lash of its tufted tail.

“It looks a bit big to be eaten by one person,” Lapis said uncertainly.

Suddenly the lion froze mid-step. A low rasping rumble vibrated in its throat.

Peridot jumped behind Lapis and cowered. “You’ve gone and made it mad!”

“Me?!”

Behind them rocks slid from high above down the canyon’s sloped walls, clattering to the ground by their feet. Both of them looked up just as one of the corrupted quartz gems peered over the lip of the cliff.

“Just one? Ha! At least give us a challenge!” Peridot reached for the zipper of the bag and tugged it down, revealing the sundry weapons she had assembled for just this purpose.

As though in answer, five more corrupted gems appeared to gaze down at them, hunched over the canyon.

Lapis aimed a flat look at Peridot. “You were saying?”

Shrinking, Peridot swallowed.

“Ready, you two?” Garnet called a few steps ahead, materialising the massive gauntlets around her fists as Steven clambered to the ground.

“Not really,” Lapis answered. There wasn’t a drop of water to be found in this arid wasteland, and she hadn’t known this would be the kind of environment to expect; the mission briefing before setting out had been woefully short.

“Here, Lapis! Catch!”

Looking around at the sound of Steven’s voice, Lapis fumbled with a plastic projectile device thrown in her direction. She dropped it before swooping down to pick it up. Inside, water sloshed, and when she gave an experimental press of an orange button some of the water shot out one end. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do.

Before she could thank him, two of the corrupted gems leapt down into the basin, followed swiftly by the four others until their group stood surrounded on all sides. To her right, the lion snarled and lowered itself to the ground, ready to attack, while to her left Peridot grabbed two sharp metal bars from her bag and held them before her in a defensive stance. Not knowing what exactly to do -- Lapis had never been a gem born to fight, though she knew she could excel at it if she put her mind to it -- Lapis pointed the plastic weapon at one of the nearest corrupted gems, her expression doubtful.

The corrupted gems attacked as one, rushing forward, headlong. What they lacked in any real cognisant tactics, they made up for in wildness. Lapis danced out of the way before she could be neatly disemboweled, narrowly avoiding swipe after swipe of ragged claws. Summoning her wings, she went airborne with one powerful downward sweep. She shot a long stream of water from the weapon in her hand, freezing it into a spear and flinging it down. The corrupted gem she had been aiming at scrambled out of the way before running at one of the canyon walls and using it to spring into the air towards her.

Swerving out of reach, Lapis hurled another lance of ice after it, managing to strike it squarely on the shoulder. Its body dematerialised and its gem fell to the ground with a gentle clink.

“Huh.” Lapis turned the plastic over in her hands, giving it an appreciative once-over. “This thing isn’t half bad.”

“A little help here!” Peridot’s voice yelled out from below.

Blinking, Lapis turned to survey the others. Garnet was dodging and jabbing between two of the corrupted gems, while the lion and Steven circled another. Meanwhile two of the corrupted gems were bearing down on Peridot, forcing her back step by step until she was cornered against one of the canyon walls littered with holes from the Kindergarten. With a sigh Lapis plunged to the ground, unscrewing the plastic bottle from its trappings and letting the water spill out. She landed in front of Peridot with her arm held up, solidifying the water into a shield of ice that shattered but held fast just enough to block an attack from the corrupted gem that otherwise would have crippled.

“I thought you said you had your powers under control?” She snapped at Peridot, who bristled.

“It’s easy when I’m not under pressure!” Peridot retorted sharply, before pulling Lapis aside with a yelp. One of the corrupted gem’s massive paws crashed into the wall behind where Lapis had stood just a moment previously, sending a series of cracks spiraling out in all directions.

Thrusting her arm out, eyes squeezed shut, Peridot sent a steel bar careening into the corrupted gem’s body. It howled as its form dissipated in a flash of smoke, but as the mist began to clear its twin stormed forward to attack in its stead.

Lapis’s hand flashed out to summon what remained of the water, but nothing happened. Staring down at the plastic bottle, she shook it but only two drops slid out onto her palm. Desperate, she looked around for the water she had already used, only to find that the harsh sunlight had evaporated it in even that short time.

“I take it back,” Lapis muttered, flinging the empty plastic bottle aside. “Useless.”

“What are we going to do?” Peridot tugged at Lapis’ dress, wringing the blue fabric in her hands.

Lapis scowled over her shoulder and pointed at the corrupted gem advancing on them. “Just use more metal already!”

“Ok! Ok! I’ll try!”

Breathing erratically, nearly panting with the force of her panic, Peridot buried her head in Lapis’ shoulder. Lapis could feel each warm burst of air grazing the side of her gem, and the sensation made her twitch. Those fingers clutching her dress twisted, and with it Lapis could hear the shuddering rattle of flat iron bars in Peridot’s bag. Before any of the metal could move however, the corrupted gem was bearing down upon them. Grabbing Peridot around the middle, Lapis dove into the nearest hole left over from the abandoned Kindergarten.

“It’s not working!” Peridot pulled herself into a ball, shrinking into an even smaller space as the corrupted gem raged at the small opening in the sandstone wall. Then, turning to Lapis she begged, “Fuse with me!”

_“What?!”_

They both scrambled deeper into the hole to dodge another snarling strike aimed in their direction. Lapis ducked but could still feel claws grazing the back of her neck as the abomination reached inside to tear at the ceiling, raining down rocks and dust.

“I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t an emergency! But in case you haven’t noticed, we’re kind of in big trouble!” Peridot gestured around them. She grabbed a hold of Lapis’ wrists, pulling her forward so that they both curled inward, huddled on their knees. “Come on! Please!”

The space was dark and cramped. Lapis could barely string two breaths together. All around them the walls were racked with tremours, threatening a crushing painful death, while outside an abomination stormed and howled. Peridot was looking up at her with such hopeful desperation, eyes wide behind a layer of clear-tinted glass.

“No!” Lapis clenched her hands into fists and shoved Peridot away. As she did so something reached in, snatched Peridot by the arm, and dragged her out of their hiding place.

“Wait -!” Lapis gasped. She lurched forward, arm outstretched, eyes wide. “No, I didn’t mean to -!”

Scuffling along on all fours, she tumbled from the fissure moments later only to find Garnet putting Peridot safely down on the ground. On her hands and knees, Lapis stared. To one side Steven was rewarding Lion with treats, and there were no more corrupted gems in sight.

“I think that was enough excitement for one day,” Garnet said, matter-of-fact, as she knelt down to offer Lapis a hand up. “You two did well.”

“Yeah!” Steven called out, beaming and sweating beneath the unyielding heat. “You guys did way better than my first mission!” He yelped when Lion snatched the bag of treats from his hand and began to tear it to shreds.

Fingers trembling, Lapis took Garnet’s hand and allowed herself to be hauled upright.

 

* * *

 

They didn’t discuss it. The walk back to the Beta Kindergarten warp pad was silent but for Steven’s usual chatter and Garnet’s occasional monosyllabic quip. Back at the temple Steven rushed down from the warp pad to regale Pearl and Amethyst with their recent victory, while Garnet followed behind him, stately as ever, leaving Peridot and Lapis momentarily alone. They glanced at one another briefly before quickly looking away. Hesitant, Lapis stepped from the warp pad to join the others.

“I - uh -” Peridot stammered. She gripped the bag strap digging into her shoulder, then stood up very straight and announced loudly. “I’m going back to the barn!”

With that, the warp pad flared with bright light, searing blue at the back of Lapis’ eyelids, and transported Peridot away.

“What’s her problem?” Amethyst asked from her place on the couch, digging her hand around the bottom of a bag with a great amount of rustling. “Did her powers totally bail on her again?”

“I thought she did alright. She even took down one of them,” Steven mused, frowning at the now empty warp pad. His eyes traveled to Lapis, who shrugged his gaze away, uncomfortable. In one hand she still gripped the plastic water-projection tool she had picked up after the battle. Her hand tightened around it.

“I think -” Lapis began, clearing her throat before continuing. “I think she’s disappointed she couldn’t do more.”

A lie. But not a whole one. There was at least some partial truth to it. Regardless it seemed to pacify Steven, who turned back to Pearl and mimed punching a corrupted gem, adding sound effects.

Garnet on the other hand was not so easily swayed. As Lapis edged around the group to make her way towards the front door -- nothing sounded so good right now as a lonely fly over the beach -- Garnet stepped forward to block her path. Tilting her head towards the nearby kitchen, she said in a low tone, “Can we talk?”

“I’d really rather not,” Lapis answered, blunt. She tried moving around, but before she could even reach out for the door handle Garnet spoke up once more.

“I heard what happened back there.”

Freezing in place, Lapis’ eyes widened. She shot a furtive look over her shoulder at the others, but nobody was paying any attention to them. “What do you want?” Lapis asked, suspicious.

In response Garnet just strode off in the direction of the kitchen. There, she sank down on one of the barstools, then patted another right beside her. With a sigh, Lapis followed. Eyeing the barstool askance, she nonetheless propped herself on the very edge of it. Leaning her elbows on the workbench, she set down the plastic toy and waited for Garnet to speak.

“Truthfully, I’m proud of both of you.”

Whatever Lapis had been expecting, that had not been it. Her face screwed up in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

In the background Steven, Pearl and Amethyst continued with their own conversation, and though Pearl gave them a curious look she did not disturb them. “The fact that Peridot had the courage to ask you to fuse with her -- even at a time like that -- shows how far she has come since being on Earth.” Garnet clarified. When she cocked her head, Lapis could see herself reflected in the glasses that covered her eyes, pale and wan. “And the fact that you can still find the strength to say ‘no’ is a sign of great courage.”

Lapis opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Instead she turned away, mouth slanting to a narrow line.

“Not that long ago Peridot found that same courage with me.” Garnet admitted with a reassuring smile. “But the fact that she tried meant more than blind prejudice.”

Starting, Lapis gaped at her. “You and Peridot tried to fuse?”

Garnet chuckled, a deep dense sound. “Emphasis on _tried._ She wasn’t ready. But neither are you. And that’s alright.”

Lapis’ voice lowered to a dark mutter, and she clenched her hands until she could feel her blunted nails biting into the soft skin of her jaw. “After what happened last time, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

A firm but comforting hand on her shoulder made Lapis tense, but when she looked over once more Garnet was smiling. “That’s alright, too. You shouldn’t try to force it.”

 

* * *

 

She did anyway. Heedless of the advice Garnet gave her, Lapis approached Peridot in the barn a few days later. In the past neither of them could be considered scintillating conversationalists when together, but ever since the mission their shared living space had grown more reticent than usual. The silence was filled with the incessant Camp Pining Hearts tapes running on their lone television like background static, as well as Peridot’s intermittent one-gem-band practice.

Lapis was re-watching season three for what must have been the fourth time when she decided she had had enough. Every time she tried sitting down to watch the show with Peridot or otherwise entreat her into constructing more meepmorps, the other gem would suddenly think of something else that desperately needed her attention. Now listening to the syncopatic clash of cymbals and beating of drums on the ground floor, Lapis stood up.

Not bothering to pause the video, she summoned her wings and flew downstairs until she stood directly behind Peridot. “We need to talk.”

With a startled squeak, all of the instruments suspended in the air dropped to the floor with a resounding crash. Peridot whirled around, harmonica still in her mouth before she spat it out onto the ground. “L-Lapis! How nice of you to join me! Did you want the tambourine again?”

Ignoring her, Lapis took a step closer. “Let’s fuse.”

“W-What?” With every step Lapis took forward in her advance, Peridot took one in retreat. “Why?”

“Because we need to be able to do this if there’s another emergency.” She didn’t say _Because I want to_ , even if that was closer to the truth.

“I don’t know if -” Peridot stumbled and nearly fell, catching the corner of her heel against a drum stick that had rolled across the stark wooden floors. “I mean - Do you really think now is the right time for it?”

“There won’t be a right time. Not with me.” Lapis snatched up one of Peridot’s hands and ran her thumb along the soft underside of a wrist. “The only way I can ever do this is if I force myself. I know that. So, as long as you’re willing, it should be fine.”

Lapis missed _her._ She missed never having to hold back, always being able to give it her all. Life without chains was its own dungeon, a prisoner to her own desires but unable to act upon them without someone emerging injured. Constantly she walked around feeling like she was missing a limb, carrying an ache deep in her chest that kept her up through the night until she sat atop the roof and watched the light of stars sparkle across the far-off crashing waves.

Swallowing thickly, Peridot bit at her lower lip before straightening her shoulders. “Can I just get something real quick?”

Lapis’ brows furrowed in confusion. “What could you possibly need at a time like this?”

“I’d -” Peridot lowered her voice to a mumble. “I’d like my bowtie.”

Lapis couldn’t help it. She laughed. A graceless snort broke through, and she let go of Peridot’s arm. “Alright. Go get your glad bags on, or whatever you call them.”

“It’s _glad rags,_ ” Peridot muttered under her breath. She scurried off, returning after a few moments of shifting through their material possessions until she found what she’d been looking for. Fastening the bowtie at her neck, she held herself as tall as she possibly could, rocking forward onto her toes.

Reaching out, Lapis straightened the bowtie, then rested her palm on the gentle curve of Peridot’s shoulder. She watched in fascination as a flush darkened Peridot’s cheeks. Taking Peridot’s hand with her free one, she laced their fingers together and gripped too tightly, feeling a slight flinch in response. Nonetheless Peridot’s other hand came up to rest at her waist, the touch light and hesitant. All the while Peridot avoided her gaze, eyes darting nervously from the dip of Lapis’ clavicle to their joined hands.

“Relax,” Lapis murmured, taking the first step in a dance, urging Peridot to follow along. “Haven’t you done this before?”

“No.” Peridot grumbled. When Lapis gave her a piercing look, she spluttered. “But it’s fine! There isn’t a right time, right? We should just -!”

The hand at Lapis’ waist grew more firm, spinning them both around until they found their steps in a lilting waltz. Bare feet across the raw sanded planks of oak. Blue fabric flaring out in a wide arc, broad as a wave. Lapis knew this dance. She remembered it. The thrill sent her toes tingling with white light, spreading to the soles of her feet, to the delicate hollows of her ankles. Before she could stop herself, her hands moved, fingers digging into the sensitive skin at Peridot’s hips, bending her over in a dip until Peridot was trembling, back arched like a tautly strung bow, ready to snap at the slightest pressure.

Lapis was breathing raggedly, eyes heavy and half-lidded, but through the haze she could see Peridot flinch, face contorting in more than discomfort. Eyes widening, Lapis immediately removed her hands as though scalded. They stumbled apart, panting.

“I’m sorry! This wasn’t -!” Lapis rubbed at her forehead, at the roar of the ocean’s waves crashing in her ear -- or perhaps that was the static of Camp Pining Heart at the end of its tape upstairs. “I thought you’d done this before. I didn’t think this would be your first time.”

Peridot rubbed at the small of her back, wincing. “Is it always so... _acrobatic?”_

“Yes. No? I don’t know.” Lapis fumbled for a proper response. Searching through her memory, she couldn’t recall a time when fusion hadn’t been an exercise in finding that breaking point. Pressing up along its very edge until the limit bent, stretched. Curving her spine until the throat laid bare and then fixing her teeth in it, cyclical as an ouroboros devouring itself at the bottom of the sea.

Awkwardly Peridot patted her arm in what she must have thought was a comforting gesture. “We can try again some other time.”

Jerking away, Lapis snarled. “No! I mean -!” She closed her eyes and let out a shaky exhale, folding her arms around herself. “You should ask one of the others before we try again. I’m not the right partner for anyone’s first time.”

A silence settled over them like a mantle, and from the corner of her vision Lapis could see Peridot fishing for a safe topic. Finally she settled on, “Garnet told me that it was like Percy and Pierre. Is that what it’s been like for you?”

Lapis blinked at her in confusion until she realised what Peridot was talking about. Then she let out a soft bitter laugh. “No.” Seeing the hopeful curiosity on Peridot’s face, she forged on. “It’s like...Remember in the season three finale, when Pierre went on that test of courage in the woods and came upon the mountain lion? And he got away with some cool scars, but the lion was shot?”

Aghast, Peridot stared at her. “No wonder you hated being fused with Jasper! Can you imagine? With the mountain lion!” Her face was screwed up in fury and indignation, and she stamped one of her small feet, fuming. “I need some season five trash to cover up this mess. Come on! I’ll bring the pillows!”

With Peridot tugging at her hand, Lapis let herself be led upstairs. Never did she say that Jasper was the mountain lion. Seeing the ire on her behalf however, Lapis didn’t have the heart to correct her.

 

* * *

 

They were all having a bonfire on the beach in front of the temple. Steven had a craving for something called s’mores, and had invited Peridot and Lapis along to join in on the fun. Sparks rose like far-flung galactic clusters into the clear night sky, glimmering amidst smoke. Even if she still wasn’t particularly fond of the memories associated with it, having the ocean so close by was soothing, the tide-washed shore smelling of salt and fresh storms on the horizon.

Steven and his human friend, Connie, speared marshmallow after marshmallow on bits of driftwood and roasted them over the fire. Greg taught them his secret technique of melting squares of chocolate balanced atop the marshmallows themselves, and eagerly Steven and Connie tried the same. Amethyst on the other hand pounded back graham crackers -- box and all -- as though they were in short supply, even though Greg had bought a whole cart of them for the occasion. Nobody else seemed interested in eating, though Garnet would reach into the fire to rescue a marshmallow from the cinders, while Peridot seemed fascinated with burning patches of seaweed dredged up from the ocean floor, flaring blue and green tongues in the flames. Not one particularly inclined to eating, Lapis simply played with the springy white marshmallows until they turned to goo between thumb and forefinger. Then, scraping them onto the sand with the edge of a graham cracker, she picked up another marshmallow and began anew.

When Steven and Connie fell into a fit of the giggles over little crabs hiding in the sand, and leaned against one another, their bodies were consumed in a blinding light. Lapis watched with puzzlement as they fused together, still laughing when their new form was created. Looking around, Lapis saw that none of the others seemed particularly shocked at this; Peridot only spared them a glance before blowing on the coal-red end of seaweed she was feeding to the fire.

“Hey, Garnet!” Stevonnie grinned impishly, long legs sprawled out before them. “Bet I can beat you in a race like this!”

A small smile curled at the corner of Garnet’s mouth, and she stood, cracking her knuckles. “Challenge accepted.”

“Ohh! Ohhh!” Stevonnie leapt to their feet, sending a spray of sand into Greg’s lap. “Sorry, dad. I mean...Mr. Universe?” Scratching at the back of their head, Stevonnie shrugged before rounding on Pearl and Amethyst. “You two should join us, too! We’ll have a fusion-off!”

“That seems highly -” Pearl began, but before she could finish Amethyst jumped up.

“I’m in! C’mon, P! Let’s show these losers who’s boss!” She even rubbed her broad hands together in glee.

Pearl’s long suffering sigh couldn’t hide the smile tugging at her lips, and it seemed the topic had struck her poorly buried competitive streak. “Oh, alright. If you insist!”

Of the three fusions suddenly crowding the beach, the elusive Opal was by far the largest, standing head and shoulders above the other two. If length of leg determined speed, then it should have been clear who was going to win this footrace. Regardless, Lapis watched from the sidelines with Peridot as the three designated a start and finish line in the sand.

No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t quite understand this. In the distance, the ocean’s roar was never far from thought. There they all were, laughing and enjoying themselves in their fusions, drawing lines to cross, and here Lapis could only think of drowning, of dragging someone else with her into the fathomless void. Her fingers dug channels in the sand as she clenched at nothing, the night rushing in to swallow her up, thick and fast and benthic.

Seaweed forgotten, Peridot turned to her and asked without preamble, “Do you want to join them together?”

She had a brave set to her jaw, and as steely a look in her eye as Lapis had ever seen, but bravery could only carry her so far when a shark parted the shoals. Looking at Peridot, small fragile Peridot who could barely master her own abilities, Lapis knew at a glance she could crush her on a whim. With the sea so close, beckoning with every lap of the waves, it would be so easy. She wondered how it would feel. Would there follow a rush of satisfaction? Of exultation? Of nauseating pleasure?

Drawing her knees to her chest, Lapis rummaged around in a bag for another marshmallow to mash between her restless fingers, and when she spoke her voice was dull, inflectionless. “No thanks.”

 

* * *

 

“I still think this is a terrible idea.”

“We’re almost done. Just move over a little to the left. No, your _other_ left!”

With a strained grunt, Lapis shifted in as small a movement as she could manage, but her wings weren’t designed to hover and Peridot was a lot heavier than she had anticipated. Granted she had been holding her above the ground for what must have been almost an hour now as Peridot tinkered with the tallest facet of their latest collaborative meepmorp in the barn. As her hands began to slip around Peridot’s waist, Lapis readjusted her grip.

The motion caused Peridot’s welding to go awry, and her resultant squawk was muffled behind the metal mask over her face. “Could you be a little more careful? I’m going to burn myself!”

Huffing in irritation, Lapis spread her wings to their fullest extent and tried to keep them both afloat without any extraneous wavering. “I told you we should have worn that harness.”

“There is no power in the galaxy that could convince me to strap myself to your chest with a harness like a human infant.” Peridot grumbled around the screech of welding.

Lapis flinched away from stray sparks flying about her forearms. It was all well and good for Peridot, who wore all the protective gear. “It fit you perfectly, and we could have just hung you from the ceiling by a rope.”

“Not to be overly honest,” Peridot paused to check that the ground clamp was still securely fastened before firing up the arc welder again, “but you could probably use the work out.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Peridot squirmed. “Lapis, I’m slipping -! Lapis -!!”

“Hang on-!”

Lapis’ wings flailed and in a series of strangled yells they both crashed to the ground. All around them the frame they had been constructing gave a heavy groan of joints before the entire thing collapsed. Lapis flung her hands up, but the collision she had been expecting never came. Hesitantly opening one eye, she squinted up to find all of the metal wobbling in the air directly over their heads. Beside her Peridot’s arms trembled and her brow beaded with sweat from the effort of keeping all that steel afloat.

“Ok. Ok just -” Lapis placed a hand on Peridot’s back, staring up at the shards of metal suspended directly above them. “Don’t let go.”

“You’re….not….helping,” Peridot growled through clenched teeth.

“Keep your pants on.” Shakily Lapis rose to a crouch and, hooking her hands under Peridot’s outstretched arms, began to carefully drag her away from the imminent wreckage.

“My pants are melded to my body!” Peridot snapped back.

“It’s just an expression!” Lapis didn’t need to explain that she had originally heard it in the twenty-fourth episode of Camp Pining Hearts season 2; Peridot already knew that and used it frequently herself.

When she had hauled Peridot nearly to the barn door, Lapis dropped to her knees at the same time that Peridot let the metal cascade to the floor in a great din. By the time every last piece fell to the floor, it created a miss-matched pile of scrap. At the very top, a toilet seat paradoxically sat perfectly balanced on the ruin, while Peridot was pressed up against Lapis’ legs where they both rested on the ground.

“All that effort and for what?” Peridot tore the lopsided mask from her head and tossed it angrily aside. “It’s ruined!”

Lapis cocked her head. “Actually, I kind of think it looks better this way.”

Looking incredulously between Lapis and the structure, Peridot’s expression grew thoughtful. She tapped at her mouth with her gloved hands. “Hmm. A jumbled metaphor for the failed trappings of our own nascent relationship, perhaps? The toilet seat certainly adds a nice touch.”

At that explanation, Lapis simply shrugged. “I just think it looks like the hill to the temple. See? The toilet seat is the lighthouse, and that barbed wire is the picket fence.”

“That’s the great thing about meepmorps -- everyone gets something different from the same piece. It’s completely irrational!” With a near-manic laugh, Peridot hopped up to her feet. Brushing off the tops of her thighs, she turned around to offer Lapis a hand upright.

Smiling softly, Lapis took it. A warmth rushed up her arm, tingling in her wrist and the base of her elbow, followed by the urge to tighten her grip and pull down, down into a fathomless deep. She snatched her hand back with a wrenching gasp before Peridot could realise that the edges of their fingers had started to blur into white.

“Is everything alright?” Peridot watched her with concern.

Fingernails digging into her palms, Lapis stood on her own. “It’s fine. Do you want to show Steven our new creation?”

Sufficiently distracted, Peridot’s entire face lit up. “Great idea! I wonder what utterly baseless conclusion he’ll derive from this one!”

Lapis watched Peridot trot off towards the warp pad, still wearing the thick protective gloves, the ends of her hair slightly singed with carbon black from her recent welding. Forcing her fingers to unclench, Lapis breathed in deeply, exhaled, and followed.

 

* * *

 

They were alone in the barn. There was no external threat. There was no one else watching. There was no slip up that caused their projects to crash around their ears. They were merely sitting in the bed of the truck perched through the front facade of the barn, marathoning another season of Camp Pining Hearts.

Peridot was lying on her stomach, kicking her feet in an idle sort of happiness against a cushion while Lapis sat beside her. Originally Lapis had come out here to watch a meteor shower -- resisting the urge to fly to the tallest peak she could find and gaze at the stars without atmospheric distortion -- but when Peridot clambered into the truck bed with yet another theory about the camp’s reclusive councilors, the two of them had decided to test this latest chart with a side-by-side comparison to the show itself.

The chart lay between them, scrawled in Peridot’s hasty hand with various crayon colours. The night air was cool, a soothing balm to the usual heat of the day, and Lapis could feel rain a day’s travel to the East, scenting the air with a rich damp smell. Despite the comfortable climate, Lapis found herself tensely watching the glow catch on Peridot’s profile rather than the screen itself. She sat on her hands rather than allow herself to indulge in the impulse to take off Peridot’s glasses and see what her eyes looked like without them.

The season three finale was rapidly approaching. Lapis bit her tongue when she should have confessed instead, admissions of guilt and repentance boiling in her mouth, in the pit of her stomach.

Peridot looked up, blinking at Lapis’ stricken expression. “What is it?” She asked, groping for the remote and pointing it at the television. “Do you want to skip the finale?”

Rather than answer, Lapis blurted out suddenly, “Jasper isn't the lion. I'm the lion.”

Peridot looked startled. She sat upright and turned away from the television so she was facing Lapis. “What are you talking about?”

She should stop speaking. She should swallow the words down, lock them away in a dark forgotten place only she knew and chain herself there as well. But the dam had been unleashed, and everything came pouring out.

“I don't know how to fuse, or how to be in a fusion without hurting someone.” Lapis confessed, staring down at her legs curled up to her chest, unable to meet Peridot’s questing gaze. “I'm afraid to fuse again and hurt you. I'm afraid that I'll like it. I’m afraid that that part of me will never change.”

On the screen behind Peridot, Percy was begging Pierre to set aside his follies and not go into the woods so late into the evening. Neither of them paid attention to it. When Peridot mustered up the right words, she sounded pensive. “Nobody’s asking you to change. If there's one thing I've learned from my time here, it's that there are things worth protecting, that fusion can be good and beautiful if allowed.”

A bitter laugh escaped her, and Lapis said, “You sound more and more like them everyday.” She didn’t need to clarify that _them_ , meant the Crystal Gems.

“I _am_ one of them,” Peridot insisted. “Aren’t you, too?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I’ll be walking around, thinking I’ve finally reached some form of recovery, and then suddenly forget who I even am.” Shaking her head, Lapis sighed. She slumped forward and leaned her brow against the crown of her knees, gripping her ankles tight. “I don’t know what’s worse: that, or feeling so alone on this forsaken planet.”

“Then -” Lapis heard Peridot draw in a deep stabilising breath before saying in a rush, “-fuse with me.”

Head wrenching up, Lapis jerked back slightly when she saw that Peridot had moved closer, kneeling right in front of her with that familiar set to her jaw. Scowling, Lapis snapped, “Haven’t you been listening to me? If you fused with me, you would break!”

“So, break me.” Peridot held out both her hands, palms up, not a shadow of doubt in her determined face. “At least then you won’t have to be alone. Even for just a few moments.”

Incredulous, Lapis stared down at Peridot’s hands. Slowly she unfurled, dress draping around her legs like the canvas of a sail, until she sat cross-legged. The desire to reach out and grasp Peridot’s soft wrists, feel the warmth of another being beneath her own cool skin, swelled up inevitable as a wine-dark tide. Speaking, she sounded breathless to her own ears. “You’re insane. You know that, right?”

“Welcome to Earth.” Peridot made no move to grab Lapis’ hands, remaining completely frozen, the way one does when waiting for a wary animal to either nose at their palms or tear their fingers to stubs. Right as their fingertips begin to graze, Peridot said softly, “Make sure to tell me if it hurts, ok?”

Laughing, brief and breathy, Lapis bit back a snort. “Shouldn't I be saying that to you?”

Peridot offered an uncertain grin, shrugging her narrow shoulders. “I figure you need to hear it more than I do.”

When they touched, their hands were dipped in white from the television screen shining through the night air. The light traveled up to their wrists, elbows, to their sloping shoulders and beyond. They were surrounded, enclosed on all sides, a blinding crushing light that clotted their lungs with foam and slick diamond ice. Like drowning, she thought as it filled her up, helium-bright. No. That wasn’t quite right. Like flying out among the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> this started off as a '5 times Lapis and Peridot tried fusing and 1 time they actually manage it' but then turned into something else.


End file.
